I haven’t written in a while.  I can say it’s because I have been “so busy” that I haven’t had time, but it’s more from fear.  I am terribly scared to write because I am so sensitive and nervous about having my voice out there.  It is much better to be snarky and judgmental in the privacy of my own home, even though this blog site does not reach many readers.   

So many women – and I am just going to focus on the women I read – are constantly writing and telling pithy and intelligent, thought provoking stories on an almost daily basis.  Where is all that coming from?  I have ideas, but my insecurity locks them away and makes the ideas feel small and undesirable.  

So I am going to make a list of things I would like to write about, then I can come back to the list each week and write.  I will put them in question form, so my writing can answer my question (hopefully).

1.  Why are my kids so annoying sometimes?  Is it because they are me and I don’t like me so much?

2. Why can’t I write on the blog that I wanted to take time to write on at least once a week so I could have an emotional outlet for all the ideas and questions in my head?

3.  Why am I hungry even though I just ate breakfast?

4.  Why do the Summer Olympics make me cry?  Why do commercials and movies make me cry, but real things in my life don’t always produce tears?

5.  Why do I get Star and Us magazine, but not People?  Isn’t People a more credible source?

6. What is the best way to raise children?  If I had the answer to that, I’d be rich and confidently prolific!

7. What is the best religion for me?  I think I am a Unitarian Universalist, but I am not sure.  

8.  How can I stay patient and kind, when all I want to do is yell, “F&*k it and F&*k you!” at people – especially the nice ones.

9.  How can I be a better person? That is referring to my #8 question, because it is not nice to curse at nice people, even in my head.

10.  I just sponsored a child in a land far away, do they really want me to write to them?  Really?  Should I draft some letter that outlines how awesome my life is and how I hope my $35 bucks a month makes their life equally as awesome?

11.  Why do I hate running so much, but it looks like all the runners at the gym and on the roads love it?  Am I missing something?  Do they have a better playlist than me?

12. Why does ranch dressing taste so good?  What is in that stuff?

13.  Why am I so fortunate, yet I complain and want more?  

14. If I write about people I know, will I start to make my friends and family angry? That seems like a slippery slope.

15.  Why do I love tattoos so much, yet I never get one?  Am I afraid the star on my belly might morph into a yellow squash?

16.  Why is there so much inequity in the world?

17.  What happens if these questions still don’t help me write?