This is my first official post on my mehmomma blog.  Why mehmomma?  Well, I’ll start with the “momma” part first.  I am a momma of 4.  I stay home with them.  I used to be a teacher and a tutor.  Then I had too many kids.  I found the balance impossible.  It’s funny.  If someone asked you to balance a book on your head for 20 or so years, you would laugh at them. Or to balance on one foot.  You would laugh again.  Yet so many women are up for the work/family/friend/clean house/PTO/good wife challenge.  Then we wonder why we are so stressed out or we are constantly explaining to everyone we aren’t stressed out, we just love exercising 3 hours a day and sleeping 4 hours at night.   I know, not everyone is stressed out, I am only talking about myself in particular (minus the working out part).

This is where the “meh” part comes in for me.  Meh is an expression of apathy, boredom, or indifference – when one simply does not care.  When I try to be the perfect mom, I only come out sort of meh.  Now many would argue with you – mainly my husband (primarily because he has to) – and say that I am amazing and so relaxed and calm.  Yet inside I am nervous and anxious and worried all the time.  But of course I can’t show that ugly inside.  No way, I must act as if I totally planned for my kids to eat a bag of Cheetos for dinner.

I don’t exactly know how I am going to structure my blog; I am just glad I wrote something for the first time.  I might try it like Gwyneth Paltrow does on Goop.  She has those adorable topics every week or month or whatever. I might use this as a springboard for my search for enlightenment and spirituality, but that might be  a bit too heavy.  I could just use it to babble. I might eavesdrop at the playground and write about moms’ concerns – but are they being real?  I have no idea.